Big Bag 'O Poo

We all gotta duck when the shit hits the fan

A MYRIAD OF USES

- Fertilizer.

- Improve survivability during a pandemic by keeping people away.

- Explosives for militant animal rights protests.

- Sell on coprophilia kink sites for a handsome profit.

- Send chocolate-covered poo bites to your nemesis.

- Discourage police from searching your smelly car when you're transporting controlled substances.

- Confuse drug detection dogs—we recommend our specialty Bitch-In-Heat Poo (currently half off).

- Place in front of neighbor's door in paper bag, set fire, ring doorbell and run away—repeat until shot or disfigured by a Doberman.

- Hide poo in a snowball or mudpie and throw it at someone much larger than you.

- Gift wrap it, label it Winnie The Poo's Poo, and give it to a deserving child.

- Throw it at your nemeses.

- Throw it at a biker (R.I.P.).

- Throw it at your mama naked.

- Throw it at a chimp (who threw poo at granmama first).

- Create an Amazon listing for a glitter bomb—then send it with exploding poo instead of glitter.

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We harvest our poo from our two prodigious poop-makin' producers, Daizy and Bandit.

This Bag 'O Poo is 100% organic and made of the best dog poo money can buy. You get it straight from the source, our dogs' anuses.

We guarantee this product is 100% full of shit.

If you find better shit elsewhere, it's just gonna be tough shit...because our shit is softer!*"

- Deme Spy, CEO 

*Does not apply when our dogs or preppies (see below) are not properly hydrated.

Supplies are limited. We reserve the right to replace our dog poo with this guy's 100%, ethically-sourced preppy poo--always harvested safely in Ivy-League schools and other elite institutional settings.